Okay, let’s talk about this stuff, the whole ‘social psychology goals in interaction’ thing. I wasn’t reading textbooks or anything, just started noticing patterns in how I dealt with people over the years, you know? My own little journey with it.
When I was younger, honestly, my main goal was just… survival. Sounds dramatic, I know, but really, it was about not messing up. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, look awkward, or have people think I was weird. So, I spent a lot of time just watching. Watching how the popular kids talked, how my boss handled meetings, how folks chatted at parties. I tried to copy bits and pieces. Didn’t always work, sometimes felt pretty fake, but the goal was simple: blend in, don’t draw negative attention. It was purely defensive, I guess.
Moving Beyond Just Fitting In
But after a while, just not being noticed felt… empty. Like, what’s the point then? I started thinking, maybe I actually wanted something from these interactions. Not in a manipulative way, but I wanted connection, maybe respect, sometimes just information. It wasn’t a sudden switch, more like a slow realization that just hiding wasn’t getting me anywhere.
So, I started trying things out. Small experiments. If I wanted someone to like me, maybe I’d try being extra complimentary. Sometimes that worked, sometimes it probably came off as creepy, who knows. If I needed help, I tried being really direct about asking for it. That was tough, felt vulnerable. Sometimes people were great, other times they clearly didn’t want to be bothered. It was messy. Lots of trial and error. I remember trying really hard to be the ‘funny guy’ for a bit. Exhausting! And didn’t always land right.
Getting More Intentional (Sort Of)
Lately, I’ve been trying to be a bit more conscious about why I’m engaging with someone in the first place. Before jumping into a conversation, especially an important one, I take a second. What do I actually want out of this? It helps filter things.
- Just connecting? Then I try to relax, listen more, share something small about myself. Goal is mutual warmth, basically.
- Need information? Try to be clear, concise, respectful of their time. Goal is efficiency and clarity.
- Trying to persuade or influence? This one’s tricky. I focus on understanding their side first, then explaining my view. Goal is finding common ground, not just ‘winning’.
- Need support? Gotta be willing to be a bit vulnerable, choose the right person. Goal is getting comfort or help.
- Want to be seen as competent? Share relevant knowledge, but don’t be a know-it-all. Listen to others’ expertise too. Goal is earned respect.
It’s not like I have a checklist in my head every time I talk to someone, that would be nuts. But having a general sense of purpose helps me navigate things better. I realised a lot of my past awkwardness came from having conflicting subconscious goals. Like, wanting to ask for help but also desperately wanting to look like I didn’t need any help. Doesn’t work!
So yeah, that’s been my process. Less about formal psychology, more about just stumbling through interactions and trying to learn from them. It’s about figuring out what you want, understanding the other person might want something different, and trying to find a way to make the interaction work for both of you, even if it’s just a quick chat. Still figuring it out, always will be, I suppose. Just thought I’d share my own clumsy path with it.
